All I wanted was to have you back
Story by Michael “TheGlitched64” Stephenson
Jeff was beginning to wish he had brought an umbrella with him, as the rain soaked his clothes, and the mud ruined his pants and shoes. Visiting hours were over in a minute anyways. He leaned down and kissed his wife goodbye again and promised he’d come back and visit tomorrow. The groundskeeper making his rounds politely told him it was closing time now. Jeff thanked him and said he was headed off. Jeff made his way to the car and sat for a minute, making sure to put down the towel he’d always bring beforehand, before he started the engine, switched the radio out for his own CD, and drove off, trying to keep as straight of a face as he could. The rain was already obscuring his vision enough.
Jeff made it home safely, took his clothes off and in the laundry, wrapped a towel around himself as he turned the heater on, closed the blinds and broke down. He had been doing so well holding it in but he could no longer maintain his composure. The wind and rain was banging hard against the window, rattling the gutters and pounding the door. Jeff, please let me in, it’s cold outside! Somewhere in the pouring rain and wind, he heard the faint whisper of a voice… his Julie’s voice.
Holding himself, shivering, he crept up to the blinds, afraid of what figure he may see surrounded by the twilight outside. He took a deep breath, he grabbed one corner of the blinds, and BANG. A huge bang on the door, it made Jeff scream and jump back on the floor. Adrenaline coursing through him, he ran to the door and opened it, a force knocked him down onto the floor. He couldn’t get up, he was pinned down by a moving cold mass, cold all except for the warm breath that grazed his neck. It was so cold outside… thank you for letting me in… Jeff crawled back as quickly as he could, his back against the wall. It was her… she was here… What’s wrong Jeff?
“You’re not real! You’re not here!” Jeff was clutching his head. “Get out!”
Jeff… please… I am sorry it ended like this but I am just here to try make amends.
Jeff grabbed the apparition by the arm and tossed it out the door. The fact that he could touch her was freaking him out. He clutched his head harder, yelling at his own brain. “Don’t tease me! Haven’t I suffered enough!?” You don’t have to do this… Julie had tears in her eyes, Jeff wanted Julie back so bad, and his mind was sending him through the worst torment imaginable.
Jeff wanted to go and hug Julie, but she wasn’t really there... she couldn’t be. He could not feed into the delusion or it would consume him, tear him apart, he would go insane. He slammed the door, locking her out, sliding down so he was sitting against the door, ignoring her pleas and her cries for Jeff to let her in. He threw up, he cried, his mind knew that he wanted nothing more than to hold her one more time… but he had to be strong, he had to not. Give. In…
Jeff woke up on the floor, a good few hours after passing out, leaning into his own vomit. He woke up groggy, wondering for those few unwitting seconds why he was sleeping on the floor. Then he remembered. He listened out for Julie. No sign. He carefully opened the door… she was gone. He sighed. The hard part was over, he could finally move on. He decided to pay back his brain for those wondrous imaged by raiding his fridge for the rum and coke he had on the bottom shelf and got to drinking. He went to his bedroom, put on some clothes, threw his towel haphazardly on the ground, sat in front of the T.V. and began to rot his brain with alcohol and late night television… he debated which one would be worse for his brain for a while before things started to get blurry.
What he saw at the window could not be real. He was drunk. Her face staring in. He walked over to the window in as straight of a line as he could, and opened it. I am glad to see you are alright. I was so worried. Can you let me in please? I want to explain something. “Alright, I will sit at my fucking window, talking to no one except my fucking delusion.” What are you talking about dear? You are still drinking aren’t you? “I can’t do this right now. It’s only be a week. A miserable, rainy week… and now my brain won’t let you go.” Why do you have to let me go? Jeff, I’m right here. Jeff slammed the window, he wouldn’t let his brain do this, he ran upstairs to his bedroom, made sure all the windows and door were locked and shivered in bed.
For the next few days, Julie popped up everywhere, she wouldn’t leave him alone. She would just show up when he went out, was at work, at home, the only place she didn’t follow him was the cemetery where he still went every day in the rain, never remember his fucking umbrella and sitting there with his actual wife. This went on for a few days… but one day, she followed him to the cemetery. Jeff felt like this one place was sacred, not a place for people to go and fuck with him at. His own mind was no exception. Today, he set out to destroy his mind, and to hell with the consequences. She came up to him and sat next to him, he immediately stood up as a knee jerk reaction and stared at her, wanting her to stand up, and leave. He tried to leave himself, but she stood up and followed him, trying to say something, but Jeff tuned her out… he snapped.
Jeff had finally had enough, he turned around and forcefully grabbed her shoulders and screamed at her. “WHY CAN YOU NOT FUCK OFF!?” His heart raced, his breathing short. Because I love you and want you back.
“YOU ARE NOT THE REAL JULIA TENARA! NOT MY REAL WIFE!” He shouted again, he had had enough, he grabbed a rock and bashed his head in over and over again, hoping she would go away, she didn’t, she ran up to him to try and stop him… her touch… it was tainting the memory of her real touch, it sickened him, he hit his delusion with the rock. She fell to the ground and looked up to him, crying harder than he ever remembered her doing. He held her down and hit Julie over and over and over again until that one warm thing about her stopped hitting his chest. Her breath. He was distraught… he had to look into her eyes… the woman he had loved more than anything and brutally kill her again… he had to preserve her memory he thought to himself as he sat by the tombstone on the first non-rainy and clear day. He could finally read what her family had written on the tombstone. What was written on the tombstone made his blood run cold as ice. He sat stunned… he couldn’t move or respond at all to the information as it ran through his head… he was at her open casket funeral… he saw her…
Jeff wept so hard his eyes hurt at the tombstone, banging his head against it over and over again, holding himself, in so much pain that he could feel his heart literally tearing as he read the tombstone again and again in blurry vision. “Here lies Melissa Tenara. A life taken too early and a caring wife, daughter, niece, cousin, friend…”