AUTHOR NOTE: This story was written in 10 minutes as part of a story challenge. The guidelines were “Write a funny story about food.” This is that story. I will link the story of everyone else who participated below.
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I flopped out of bed and crashed onto the empty rum and coke cans on the floor, swiping aimlessly at my phone as it blared the SpongeBob SquarePants theme. I am going to kill Jarrod for pulling that shit on me. I’ll get him next time. I staggered out to the kitchen and noticed all my food was gone. I checked the cupboard, the fridge and freezer, under the sink (That’s where I keep the good chocolates) but there was nothing to be found. No trash, no empty wrappers, nothing. Just vanished. As I began to wake up more I remembered the night before, the gathering of all my friends and the excessive drinking and I assume eating of all my foods. I was about to go out to the store to buy more food, not awake enough to remember to shower or change out of my pyjamas or wear a shirt, when I saw it. On the floor, an unopened bag of BBQ flavoured chips. I walked over to grab them but just before I could my cat came up and grabbed them from me and ran away. “GET BACK HERE YOU BLOODY WANKER! THOSE CHIPS ARE MINE!”
I sprinted after him, running as fast as my pounding headache would take me, but my cat was faster, jumping on fences and rooves. I followed him, vaulting off my fence and onto the roof, where the chase continued. The cat jumped up to the second story room, I followed, eventually he jumped off the roof and ran out the gate and I jumped down and proceeded to follow him. I chased the cat down through the streets, about five or ten minutes of running had passed before I finally grabbed him. I grabbed the bag from him, smiled, and looked up to see I was at the supermarket. A group of school children were walking past and I waved. I am now in jail under suspicion of indecent exposure. Remember to always put a shirt on before you go out, and make sure you remember that last night it was too hot to wear pants to bed before you chase your cat down the street.